I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
