Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
