lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
