She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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