GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
