dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
