Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
