Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
