There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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