I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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