she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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