I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The feeling are messing with the penis
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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