Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
