im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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