found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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