I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i need an iv and a liver transplant
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
