Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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