i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
