end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
