Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
