it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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