I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
