Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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