I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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