You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
