You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
