I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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