someone get that fucking seahorse.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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