Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
