I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have post one night stand depression
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
