Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have aggressive nipples.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
