She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
