Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?

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(253): View more from Washington

To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song

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(530): View more from California

is this the sara with the beer cane?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

where's my purse there's an important taco in it

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(319): View more from Iowa

He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle

(648): View more from

Since when is drunk an angle?

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(404): View more from Georgia

like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.

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(360): View more from Washington

Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year

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(212): View more from New York

My penis is lonely

(202): View more from Washington, DC

So is my ring finger

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