I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
