At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
