But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
