My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
