I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
