I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
