the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
