i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My hand turned me down
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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