i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
