I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I believe in your delicious
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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