Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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