The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
