the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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