And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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