I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
