We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
