38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
