i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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