worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
