i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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