Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
