I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
