just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
