when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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