if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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