I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize