So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
