im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
