i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
