so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
