did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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