the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
