whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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