She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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