Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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