Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
