I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
