The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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