he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
