I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
