Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize