Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
