Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sobbing to NWA
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
