Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
