What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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