No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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