Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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