You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
