pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
