Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
