I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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