Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How external is "for external use only"?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Drunk is not a location!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
