i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my being single is dangerous.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
