I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
