Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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