You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
