He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
